Growing
up was hard for me, losing my father at such a young age left a gap in my life
that really has yet to be filled, even with a stepdad who loves me
unconditionally. As I got older I showed signs of early age depression and “chronic
anger” as the therapist said.. In short I couldn’t really control my temper and
the littlest things absolutely set me off. It never really showed until early
in high school, my temper had seemingly started to take over. I was getting
into fist fights during football games and freaking out on the baseball field
when things didn’t quite go my way. Finally they got me another therapist and
she insisted that I take medication, Xanax for the temper and anxiety and Prozac
for the depression and mood swings. At one point they even insisted I had a
mild case of bipolar disorder.. for those who don’t know what that is, in
short, it’s chronic mood swings. The whole idea of taking pills to keep me “normal”
just wasn’t really something I liked too much and overtime it seemingly just
wasn’t working. My temper was uncontrollable, and my anger worsened; which was
only a good thing to some extent when I was on the football field. My immediate
family were the only people who I never really freaked out on. Four years of
high school as a hotheaded, temper ridden student was far from the easiest
thing to do.
Finally
my senior year came and I just needed to get off of my medication, it turned me
into a dull, feelings-less person.. I felt nothing and had no emotion toward
anything. I finally stuck with my therapist and worked harder than ever to make
it so I was no longer on my medication and finally was able to control my
temper. Knowing that I was off to prep school on my own for the first time, my
mom truly worried if I would be able to control myself without fighting or
getting kicked out of the school. It was the hardest thing ever, but it was well
worth the hours of therapy and worth all of the holes in my wall, because now I’m
off on my own, in college, playing sports and maintaining my temper… oh and I’ve
now been off my medication for close to a year.
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